These are a few of my reflections specifically about caring for family members with dementia. Many difficult decisions must be made on this journey, and they are even more difficult for family members than for volunteers or employees who are giving care because of the long time relationships and emotions through which you must process.
During the first season of dementia, when I knew there was a change in my loved one’s thinking , ability to remember or doing tasks but before there was a medical diagnosis, I struggled with some denial and struggled to make difficult decisions . Two of the most difficult areas for me were driving and door exits.
Several attempts to trust my husband’s continued driving had presented some major problems . After multiple pleas to drive again, I gave in and made the keys available to him. There were confessions of his trauma when driving into oncoming traffic brought him face to face with another car. There were also multiple times when he would be confused as to his location and would go to an emergency room at the hospital or be gone for an extended period of time until he finally would find the house. After consulting with family, I made a personal decision to hide the car keys and not allow him to drive. With the keys out of sight, his requests to drive decreased over time. When he did ask, I would remind him of his concerns and negative experiences with driving. I would also offer to drive him wherever he wanted to go.
Locking the front exit of our house was also a difficult decision for me . My husband had poor balance and used a walker. Our front entrance also had steps that increased his risk to fall. Dementia had also impaired his decisions so that he would suddenly decide to go somewhere or leave. After giving this much thought and knowing that a locked door could present some uncomfortable feelings, I made this plan: I kept a door key in my pocket and discreetly locked the door when I had to leave the living and attached kitchen area. At the same time I was attentive to go out with him any time he wanted to go out. There were a few times he tried to go out and was frustrated that the door was locked. However, I quickly went on a walk with him afterwards to reinforce his independence and perhaps reassuring his knowledge that he could go out. This “key” gave me a settled and comfortable situation and a safe place for my loved one.
The above are two of the difficult decisions on our journey with Dementia and I hope my suggestions will bring calm and safety to your living situation.
